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My little boy came running to me the other day in tears “mami ouchy mano” (mommy owie on my hand). All he needed was a kiss and to be held for a moment and he was all better and ready to face the world again.
Things are not so simple as an adult though. How can I tell my mother now that I am grown and with kids of my own that I am hurting? Should I tell her at all? I still wish my mom would comfort me sometimes, but is that not to be had anymore? This is a difficult topic for me. I have many mixed feelings. I think writing will help and this may be a safe forum, since nobody ready my blog anyway.
My mother has changed a lot in the years since I went off to college. Everyone changes, especially with major life events, but this change has been so drastic that it is difficult to recognize her sometimes as the mother I had as a young girl. In all fairness, I know I have changed a lot too, but to complicate the matter, with my parents and siblings so far away and so busy I sometimes feel cut off from them. I have been left to evolve on my own while they evolve in a different direction. On the occasion when I do get to talk to my mother, it seems our lives and circumstances are so different we may as well be on separate planets.
I suppose the most difficult part is that my mother does not like my husband much. She used to like him. Maybe she is just angry at him, but it is the sort of grudge that could go on for decades unless someone is willing to “suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”(Hamlet) to try and end it. I fear what the future will bring – strained family gatherings, excuses NOT to go somewhere for summer vacation or Christmas, and my children growing up feeling they cannot be loyal to both their parent and their grandparent. (it has happened in the family before).
What pains me most is to know that she doesn’t want to come see us. Perhaps it is because of the feud with my husband, or because she has bad memories of the city where we live or because she hates to leave home. But still she doesn’t want to come, and when she does she is angry or on edge.
How do I tell my mother that I miss her, that I wish I could talk to her like I used to, that I still wish for her love and comfort? How do I say that I want her to be proud of me and of my children and of what I have accomplished. How do I tell my mother that I am hurt by her anger, her criticism and pessimism?
How can I explain my vast disappointment when it seems she has no time for me?
How do I escape becoming bitter from the hurt?
And how do I build a strong family
circle that includes
my mother?
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