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Dear Mom,
I love you. I miss you. I’m sad that things can’t be like they were when I was growing up anymore. I remember you used to call me your “right-hand-(wo)man” and talk to me like a best friend. I mourn the loss of those days.
I suppose things had to change though; my younger siblings had to grow up, I got married, the rest of the family moved away, I had kids, life moved on. What troubles me the most, however, is that you are not happy. You are often bitter and resentful and rarely at peace. I’m not entirely sure why. I get the feeling that some of it is my fault, but I don’t have the courage or the timing to ask what I have done or how to fix it. I wonder if doing so would even change anything.I wish I could give you some of that happiness. Maybe its your struggles with aging, or money that’s keeping you from being happy. Maybe its pain or guilt that’s holding you back. And maybe its something that I can’t help you with at all.
When you come to visit, we are happy, but you are just ok. I’m not sure if you are here because you really want to be or because you feel you ought to. I’m not sure if you are helping me clean or watch kids because you want to or because you disapprove of how things are at my house. I’m not sure if you are happy to be a grandma or find it distasteful. I find myself choosing my words carefully so as try to cheer you up or at least not make anything worse. I cringe when my kids behave badly or do something that might upset you. I cringe even more when I do something that might upset you.
I don’t want see you frustrated and sorrowful anymore so I want you to know that I release you. I release you from any obligations towards me and my family. Please don’t feel like you HAVE to come visit, or make this or that, or do this or that, or that you HAVE to go here or there. Don’t misunderstand me either – we want you around, we love having you around, but I would much rather have you not do these things and be happy, than do them bitterly, grudgingly, or simply because you feel you HAVE to.
I love you mom. I miss you. I hope someday to see you happy again, and I hope we can be part of that happiness.
With love,
Your Grown up Daughter
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